Tuesday, May 1, 2012

010

I'm in school right now and I just took a test so I figured I'd update my blog. I have nothing else to do, whatever. Anyway, this morning I ended up taking one and a half of those caffeine pills and it didn't affect me as much as the one pill did yesterday. I didn't like talk really fast or anything and I wasn't as hyper. I'm still really awake though. I just got called down to like the discipline office and I almost had a heart attack, because I have all those pills like laying on the floor in my car. But it was just for an AP test, thank god. I was planning on just denying everything anyway but this is a relief. It really woke me up even more though. I really just want to go home and work out right now, I feel really frumpy and lazy an like I Need todo something. Or maybe I just dont like being in school... That's probably it. I so sick of being here, it's so monotonous and tiresome and everyone is shallow and dim and it's just really dull. The sooner the day ends the better. We do get our cap and gowns today, which I guess is exciting. 19 more school days left. And it may go by slow because I'm tryin to lose weight and maybe it'll go by fast. It's weird, like I'm wide away an not tired at all but I think it'd be nice to go to sleep. I dunno. My classes really aren't that bad. First hour is great, this class is good because we don't do shit, my third hour is easy and interesting at times, lunch is alright, I get to chill for a bit, fourth hour I love because I love Spanish and my teacher and we always have a laugh in there, and my fifth hour we just work all hour so it's nothing too strenuous. Then I go home. Not too tough, I just feel like it takes forever and I'm kind of antsy... Maybe that's it, I'm just really antsy from the caffeine pills. Anxious. And hen I'm home I'm not as anxious because I can walk around and move a lot and shit, I think that's the problem. I feel the need to move around and when I don't I feel like everything is going really slow and I just want to speed time up. I never usually do anything, but when I do I notice that time goes by really fast and I'm in a better mood so even though I'm lazy I feel like being active and moving around is the type of person I'm mean to be. Or maybe I'm just wired on caffeine. Eh. Still, now I know why I hate brig at school, it's not the learning and working part, it's just that I hate staying still. Now that I think about it, when I'm at home I'm always getting up and moving and doing something and at school we can't do that. I miss gym. I hope these caffeine pills really do work with keeping my appetite down. I'm so tired but I'm not. I took a shower this morning and I usually never bathe in the mornings. I talke to my mom this morning and she said that I sound more relaxed. I wider why she could mean. It could be because of the pills, or from my optimism about me losing weight. I want to lose enough weight so that when I see her on the 10th, she'll comment on my weight. And my cousins, I want them to comment on it as well. It would be so wonderful if I could lose 15 pounds by then... It's like ten or so days. Who knows, if I work out enough it may work. I dunno, I can't wait until I start losing a lot. Once I'm in the 30's I think I may cry. I'll definitely cry. Just gotta distract myself until then! Focus focus focus distract distract distract. I need a hobby, or to read a book or something. Time is so slow.

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