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I can't believe that I forgot to write about how two nights ago I had a dream I did heroin. Well, I dreamt I was addicted to heroin because throughout my dream, which was pretty random in itself, I would go off to the side with a guy sometimes and take a needle and shoot heroin in my arm. Kinda worried me because I do have a bit of experience with opiates, and I just remember thinking that heroin was the best thing ever in my dream. Sometimes I just want to go out and find some and make myself overdose in one go. If I was going to kill myself I think that'd be the easiest and most painless way. Doesn't that make sense? I don't know why I'm benig so morbid right now.

I need to stop looking at myself in the morror, because clearly my body isn't going to change overnight and I look just as disgusting as I did the day before.

Anyway, my dream last night consisted of me falling in love with my best friend C (guy) and us making out all over the place and holding hands. Plus we were in the middle of some ridiculous magical land with big ass white squirells and shit. Kind of like Alice and Wonderland but more fucked up. I like having dreams where I fall for a guy and we kind of follow eachother around until I wake up, because I know that won't happen until I lose weight. I couldn't see a guy actually pursuing me until I'm thinner. And the thing is, but best friend would always tell me I looked good and stuff when I was at 130, like he would hit on me and stuff. And I would totally hook up with him and I know things would never change between us because here's how it is: He's like an uber player and all the girls want him, yaddayadda. But then there's me, and I'm like his mom. I take care of him, give him meds when he's sick and when he was on house arrest I would go see him everyday and bring him his favorite things. I love him to death, and he knows that I'll always be there for him so whenever I need him, he drops any of those girls in a second to help me out. I don't know, it's hard to explain but he means the world to me.

My hair is a fucking mess and I don't even feel like doing it if it's just going to get fucked up again. I'm gunna wear leggings and some shirt today; I don't feel like making an effort. I'm still really tired so my caffeine pills haven't kicked in yet. I don't remember the exact time that I took them, but I know that when I start getting hot that means they're working. Anyway, I don't have copious amounts of time left so i guess I'll write a plan on how I hope today goes:
-Pick up B and C, both are being nice today.
-Hug from C
-Go to classes; they're easy.
-Get cap and gown
-A+ on spanish test
-Drive home
-Chug a ridiculously uncomfortable amount of water
-Half caffeine pill
-Brush teeth
-Work out
-Fake eating
-Homework
-Blogger
-Tumblr
-Work out
-Shower
-Possibly sleep.

Shit still hasn't kicked in and I'm starting to wonder if it ever will.

edit: Couldn't help it and I weighed myself. I'm 153.8. So 1.6 pounds down from last night, not sure how much I was yesterday morning. At this rate I'll be 147 by Sunday; that'd be great. We'll see though.